i decided to take control of my life

this is hilarious

Wed, 22 Feb 2006 00:03:16 GMT

I stole this from my friend Kira's lj.

"Speaking of Erik... One of his female friends totally has a thing against me. Her name is Shar. She apparently wants to beat me up or something because she's madly in love with Erik or something. Whatever. She can "fight" me in my 5 inch heels & a mini skirt or something. She's one of those girls that's like... well in her words: "i am so scene, with my dinosaur shirt and my polka dot headband and my short, choppy, black hair and my cigarettes and my obnoxious attitude <3 kiss my ass kthxbai see you at the hardcore show tomorrow." Okay..."

Scene kids. ::shakes head::

::DaRk BlU::

i love my friends

Tue, 21 Feb 2006 23:36:54 GMT

Love love my friends.
Oh. So Ashley was supposed to come over the other night but then she couldn't find my house so she turned around and went back home! :( Very sad indeed. I know it is really hard to find my apartment... it is like hidden except to those who have already been there! Anyhow I wish she would have called. Oh well. NO ONE can call now because my cell phone is turned off. I anticipate getting it turned back on at the end of March. I know, inconvenient as all hell, but that's life sometimes. I'm not trippin.
What else? So Saturday night kicked ass as usual. Afterward though Celeste, Matthew, Rebecca, Jeremy, Mike and Celete's two virgins (Ahh can't remember their names!) went to Denny's and we had a grand time socializing and what not. Then we all departed and Rebecca and Matthew came to my place and we talked and then crashed out. I woke up and everyone was gone... lol. I got ready and then set myself to the task of making three boxes of mac and cheese for Rebecca's picinic, to which I arrived LATE. Ahh!
But I got to play a pretty sweet card game there and people seemed to deem my mac and cheese edible, so it was all good. People peaced out soon after I got there and Matthew, Rebecca and I started to practice Rocky. Then Matthew left and Rebecca and I practiced for a little bit and then looked at pictures on our phones and then I started CRYING talked about something to her. Felt like such an ass. Later we went on myspace (give me my loser stamp) and then she cried to me! Aww. :( So it balanced out though. lol. I like to feel like people can talk to me. I totally identify with her plight, though. I hated... LOATHED living with my parents. Anyway, then we practiced Rocky some more and then I went home. I think that is when Ashley was supposed to come over... perhaps? I forget. The days blend together. Then Monday I worked for 10 hours, got home and had a heart-to-heart with Maria. We agreed we abused the Tiffani approach to life. We decided not to stress about it... we'll get shit done. Then we blazed. It was good. LOL. I then proceeded to watch Bridget Jones's Diary, AGAIN. Then I crashed out. Then today I got up and went to school. Tamika and I present our scene on Tuesday. I am devoting tomorrow solely to school work, in particular the scene. I have to memorize and get the music. Thursday we are coming to class early to do our makeup, change, and then figure out blocking before we go. I decided not to drop Abnormal Pysc but drop my online courses this semester, unless I can get my comp running with a quickness. Today is the first rehearsal party... so I need to go home and clean and wait for guests to arrive. lol. It is going to be fun-fun-fun what can I say.
Oh, on another note, Adam came back from Hollywood yesterday. :) He is going to come with me to Rocky Saturday! Woo hoo. Will update more later. Maybe.

::DaRk BlU::

this must be a trend

Thu, 16 Feb 2006 22:58:54 GMT

It's a month after New Years... So what is this trend... everyone deciding to quit this and that, to surround themselves with positive people...
It's good.
Makes me feel bad though. Haha. Need to be a resolution update, but it will be dismal so I am declining.
Like 3 people I've talked to have quit doing tweak. I'm like that's... good... :-/
We'll see how long it lasts.
Adam is in Hollywood. Lucky! He sent me the sweetest text message today... I won't divulge though. :-} Hehe.
Jace came by last night and we watched Bridget Jones's Diary. I don't remember if I updated about V-Day. If so cool if not oh well.

I need to do my homework. I need to do a lot of things. I feel unmotivated and I don't know why. Kira is coming over tonight - yay! I miss her. Gonna call Renata and Elaine today, too. Gonna call Ashley again. Called her on V-day and left a message but she didn't call back. Annie, if you are reading this, add me! BLAH! Kira, you don't need Raul anyway. He's a FOOL! Sorry I didn't comment on your guyzes stuff I am lazy...

::DaRk BlU::

expose me expose me

Tue, 14 Feb 2006 21:54:27 GMT

And I love every minute of this
I love the speed
I love the lights
I love your glitter
Your glitter
Your glitter
And mystery.

It's only fun until the mystery is gone...

here comes the sun

Tue, 14 Feb 2006 21:48:27 GMT

Whew it's a little toasty outside.
At school.
Didn't go to Pysc. Whoops. I promise I'll study up for school on Tuesday. No school this Thursday because of some weird thing... I forget what.
Signed up for G.S.A. and Art Club. Figure what the hey. Could be fun.
Annie came to RHPS on Saturday! Woo! Such a trip seeing her there. Glad she had fun, though. :-D It was fun times all around. Did I already write about this? Oh well if I did. Don't think I did. Ashley got in the top three in the lingerie contest. Sexy lady... woo hoo! Um. I did Betty again. Actually threw the bouquet on time. I rule. Was looking hot in teal corset and black mini and my turquoise shoes. Scene for theater is coming along swimmingly. Gotta work more on it though. Saw Rebecca in Coupla White Chicks Sitting Around Talking. I think that was the title. She was fabulous.

After Matthew and I saw her us three, Celeste, Aaron and Cake went out to Denny's and laughed and talked as Cake and I spazzed out on Jolt gum. So much to say. Lovely company. Fun times. Rebecca was wearing Celeste's Janet wig and a knee length skirt in one of the scenes with mary janes, and let me tell you... watch out Susan Sarandon. LOL. The Picinic Party is soon and I need to find someone to cover my shift. It should be fun. Don't know what to make. I could always bake a cake! I think I am going to bake today as well. Not sure. The Rehearsal Party is in the makes as well, and that is going to be a blast no doubt. What else what else... Still need to pay my ticket and go to temp agency. Whoops. Things still suck on the home front, but oh well. I am trying to concentrate on things that make my happy... like being independent, my friends, Rocky, acting, art, music, etc. etc. Gotta call Ashley and wish her a happy Valentine's Day, too. Going out to dinner tonight for V-Day. Should be fun. I'm not real big on this holiday, though, so I am trying to treat it much like a regular day. Been talking to this guy Adam... he is really awesome... very hot. We might go see a movie next week. Dunno what's going on with it, though. Matthew had his audition for Julliard (sp?) today. Have to call him. He's coming over later to rehearse.
So today on the agenda is:
+astronomy test
+find out location of temp agency (AT LEAST)
+clean a little bit
+bake
+rehearse
+get taken out to dinner... hehe
The rest of the week is filled with much of the same. Still haven't talked to parents. Need to go buy and get mail though. ::sigh:: I really don't want to. Have been avoiding like the plague. On friendly terms with the sis again though. We'll probably hang out sometime in the next two weeks. That's all for now. My mind is clouded...

::DaRk BlU::

Sun, 12 Feb 2006 00:04:44 GMT

Sometimes my heart feels like it gets crumpled up.
And flattened.
Oompf.
And then I can't breath.

can't think of a fitting title of the randonmess below

Sat, 11 Feb 2006 23:40:43 GMT

So. Right.
My Pysc teacher is going to throw out the test I failed because apparently the whole class did dismally and she is going to give us a take-home midterm that is going to be double-weighted. That's good I guess. I need to study more for that and I need to take an astronomy test tomorrow. Woo hoo.
Work is... bullshit. All around. I think I am going to quit both of my jobs and just go over to the temp agency... but I haven't fully decided yet. I really need to considering though... it's coming down to the wire... I'm just so sick of it all. I think it will be good to get out of the mall, too. My dad isn't offering me that job anymore because of some other bullshit so fuck him too. Dunno if I mentioned that.

I keep saying that I am going to go to the temp agency yet I still haven't gone. Monday I swear. I think. Ugh. ::slaps forhead:: I am such an avoider sometimes. Well I am really annoyed because I lost one of the balls on my lip ring and I just realized it and I forgot my wallet, so I have to go back home before I go to work. UGH. At least tonight is Rocky. Last night I went to see the show put on by Bawdy Caste in San Jose. It was definitely different. An experience to be sure. I had fun, but I definitely prefer Barely Legal and a screen-accurate cast in general. Also, it is really nice that B.L. has a STAGE, and doesn't just have to perform on the ground in front of the screen at a normal theater. Makes it really hard to see the latter way. I don't really want to talk shit so I'll just leave it at Celeste and I were cringing throughout because of some choice things lacking and things doing...
Yesterday Lorna, the Jamaican bitch that works in fragrances yelled at me for closing my register early. I wanted to SNAP I was so close. SO many things I wanted to say but didn't. I spent the entire time talking to Michelle, our new freelancer, and then doing my makeup for Rocky. That was fun. You know it's dramatic when people slow down around the counter and gawk at you like a tourist attraction. I got numerous compliments on it though by passerby... mostly from guys though, which is unusual. A lot of the guys I know don't like a lot of makeup. But whatever!
Busty still hasn't emailed me back but hopefully I can talk to her tonight. I have had several people tell me I should try out to be a Crowd Pleaser, too, and so have been debating it... So not much has changed in the ways I spend my time. Work, school, rehearsing. I like it that way though. I try to do things that make myself happy, and right now those are it. Well, not working.. but hey, that's life. After I leave here I need to go to the piercing shop and buy replacement balls, then go to the ATM... then drive by Automotive Rentals because I think I left my parking permit in there. Oh. I still haven't paid my ticket and it's like past due at this point. I am sort of at a loss. I am going to try and extend the due date like I did with my speeding ticket but it might be too late. My scene in theater is coming along pretty good. Tamika and I have really good intentions, and I think our scene is going to be really funny and entertaining, for both us and the class. Oh, if anyone has a boombox they want to lend me that would be fabulous. kthxbye.
I talked to Maria about all the crap she does that pisses me off today (again) and she proceeded to snap on me (again) saying that I leave my school notebooks out. UM OK. Let's see... school notebooks on the kitchen table or ash all over the couch, the carpet, the table, the bathroom sink...? I mean give me a fucking break. The other night Matthew came over and he was all... your house smells like cigarettes. I almost popped a vein. Seriously. In order to get the smell out I have to vacuum daily, spray febreeze everywhere, and then light incense and open the doors on top of all of that! It's ridiculous. It is so disrespectful... she lets her friends come over and roll blunts in the livingroom and they get shit everywhere and them nor she cleans them up. I clean everything and she can debate it but it is the truth. ::scream:: Okay I am done. For now.
I finally got my room cleaned and organized, yay! So now all I have to do is finish decorating and such. It's pretty cute. Soon I am going to have a little rehearsal party and Celeste, Rebecca and Matthew are going to come over and we are going to have pizza and practice and what not. It will be fun. Um fuck. What else. I still don't know what I am wearing tonight, but whatever it is lacking I'll make up for in makeup and hair. LOL! Can't wait to see Ashley. :) I have Lights and Sounds stuck in my head by Yellowcard. Been thinking a lot lately. About everything. Life. My cuticles are atrocious. I don't want to give notice for work. I will though. Sort of want to call in today. I won't though. But if Lorna says one more thing to me or looks at me wrong I swear to God... everyone in Benefit knows how I feel about er, that...them... So they won't be surprised if... Yeah. It was really funny - Svet came over and talked to me from Clarins because she was about to punch this lady from Clinique in the face. She had to "calm down". That lady is from the Caribbean as well, so I can see why she might feel that way...
PG&E bill came. 132$? Yeah. So I am definitely making Maria pay for half of that. I told her and she was all, "Well fine! Do you want to pay ME 86$ for the internet then?" And I was like, "No... because I don't HAVE internet on my computer yet. I don't USE it. So I am not going to pay for it." And she was pissed but whatever she's doing it. If anyone knows a lot about computers and wants to fix mine or just set up internet on it somehow it would be greatly appreciated. It has a wireless card in it but it won't pick up the signal from Maria's airport and I don't know how to set up the network so it's all fucked up. Whatev... sigh.. I am a little stressed right now for some reason. I think it is just the whole job situation eating at me. Monday I swear. I'll look up all the info right now...

::DaRk BlU::

i am so NOT the prodigal daughter

Wed, 08 Feb 2006 00:17:22 GMT

ANYWAYS... I got my car back. It is still a little janky but hey.
Tiff visited yesterday. Nice seeing her! I miss her. Brenna is hilarious. Ho hum. Tell me why people sit on my couches every night and smoke blunts and have sex?
---
Things I have been doing lately include: School, work, rehearsing, failing my Pysc test...
That's all I really do. I don't know where all the time goes. Oh, and I clean compulsively. What else? I need to clean and do homework more. Meh I have no life. Last night I performed for Maria and some of her friends. I think they were vastly amused.
"What's with this blonde guy?! Is that the gay one? He's GAY!"
I don't really like her friends. They're kind of stupid and they ash on my carpet.

What else? Annie wasn't in theater today. Did a little improv with Tamika and we are working on our first rehearsed scene. We have to write a scene and perform it. I'll tell you more about it when it comes together, but I think it is going to be really funny. The biggest obstacle is going to be props. I took out my Monroe piercing. I didn't like it that much I decided after all, plus it was hella annoying so I was just like... fuck it. What else what ELSE? Ohh, yes my darling...
Saturday night I did Matthew and Rebecca's makeup and they looked fabulous and received numerous compliments much to my pleasure. That is one of the BIGGEST compliments anyone could give me... Compliments on my work. Next time I am going to make Rebecca's more vibrant because although it was beautiful it didn't stand out as much in the dark. I did her up like an Amy Brown faerie and Matthew... well, he wanted shiny lips. LMAO. His main concern. I went with a classical feminine approach with him. I love all my new shadows. Combinations are endless! I am now confident that I can make ALMOST any color. I finally found the perfect lipstick combo for Magenta, too. I needed to put Ben Nye's Marilyn Red on and then put Benefit's Bachelor Pad in the center of my top and bottom lip, accentuating the cupid's bow and then lining my mouth with both Gypsy and Siren (By Benefit). Gypsy by the center of the lips and then Siren going out towards the corners, and then just a dab of clear gloss. (Wow I make things harder than they have to be, huh? I guess I am just OCD!) I thought about using this lipstick I have by Lancome...but it was too orange based and I needed a more black based, which Bachelor Pad gave me... but it was then too DARK so I had to combine... yeah okay... I also got a purple eye pencil and I am going to try out the full makeup once I acquire the lashes. I found out that they lashes I got originally will work just fine for the bottoms on Magenta, because they are pretty screen acc... UNTIL Takeover, where she actually replaces both top and bottom lashes with ones that are longer and slighty... pieced together I guess you would say. I also need new liquid liner because mine is getting kind of clumpy. I am considering a cake liner, and if so I will probably use Benefit's Babe Cakes and mix that with either She Laq or Liqui-Set... But I don't know if it will be as BLACK as I want, which makes me want to go with a brush or felt tip liner... which leads to again which brand. I am thinking Lancome, because their liner is really nice, but I also just tried out Estee Lauder's and there's is really nice as well. I also need to get white lipstick but Encore has been out of white and black lipstick for a spell. Anal retentive Magenta recommends using it in lieu of klown white on the brow bone. I figure what the hey. I'll probably try that and then set it with a little white powder... or something. I need new white powder, too. I am contemplating just getting a custom blend from Prescriptives of full-coverage, one tiny hint from white foundation and then powder. That way I know also that it isn't doing a number on my pores, because it is Prescriptives... and Prescriptives is bomb. Emma recently gave me some white custom blend to put into my foundation I already have, because I am getting too white for the lightest color in my color family! Isn't that scary? Oh well! lol! I need to dye my hair again soon, too. I see the brownness and it is scaring me.
What else what else... I was supposed to work with Taylor today but when I came over she wasn't there so I am assuming that she forgot I was coming over. I tried to set up my home computer yesterday but my comp isn't picking up the wireless signal or something I don't understand how to set it up! GRR! I tried to make my network connections or whatever but I need a floppy disk or something? I don't know I am really confused and I need my dad to help me set it up but I don't think he will because my mom and I have been sending really nasty letters back and forth to each other... My sister, too, actually. She is going through that really snobby teenager stage and I just put her in her place and she is pissed off about it. Oh well, right?
What else what else... Been rehearsing a lot. Almost every night, so good for me. Need to study a little more though. I am kind of doing the bare minimum. Still need to go to temp agency. I think I might go after my job for my dad ends, though. Haven't decided yet. Have a ticket due tomorrow and I don't know when I am going to pay it because I missed my little window of time today and I work 7:00-11:00 tomorrow at HT. Yes, I still work at HT. I haven't shopped in a long time though! Oh, besides that lipstick... I was just going to take a new tester of it, but we didn't have it so I had to legitimately buy it. Sucks! Svetlana is so funny. I am dragging her to Rocky with me Saturday, along with Tyler. It's going to be quite fun. I think Tyler will end up bailing out though.
Oh, so the other night I went to this HT work party and one of my co-workers was so smashed! It was pretty hilarious. Kinda sad though, too. He kept hitting on all these guys... even though he has a girlfriend, and then proceeded to make a speech on the apparently INCREDIBLE size of Tyler's penis. WOW. lol. He kept kissing Tyler and Jace too. I think they were starting to get just a LITTLE weirded out... well maybe not Tyler so much. lol!
I'm really tired of having to waft all the smoke smell out of the apartment, and of them getting ash all over the carpet/couch. I totally confronted Maria and her friends about it too and she just laughed. I wanna see how hard she laughs when we don't get the deposit back. Oh! I still have to do taxes... but I don't know how. I think there is this free service at Las Po that will do it though. I think I saw a sign. I don't want to ask my dad for too much help if I don't have to because I really don't want to be affiliated with any of my family anymore. Um I really really want to go to L.A.!
Oh yeah. SO back to Rocky... Ashley was there which was cool... <3 Matthew gave me a really hard time about it though haha asshole. I will burn your "UNICORNS" CD! j/k. We discussed what we were going to wear next week. I still have no idea. I don't think I am going to be looking very Valentine-y. I dunno we'll see. I have something in mind... Well, partially... Oh. I was Betty Monroe. (You were waiting for that, weren't you?) Yeah I know I won't shuttup about it. Honestly I was just thrilled to be on stage, but I was SOO nervous, partially due to the fact that I haven't performed formally since seventh grade. It was an overall good feeling. The lights are so bright though... couldn't see SHIT! Almost forgot about that part from before. I threw the bouquet really really early because I was hella nervous and was afraid I was going to do it late! I have to make sure not to do that again. Well, the only people that really noticed was myself and Matthew, and Celeste obviously who was catching the bouquet... and those else who did notice I don't think really cared. I mean, I take this menial part SOO seriously. LOLOL. Me and Matthew always joke about being the most screen accurate Betty and Ralph, but secretly we aren't really joking. I can't wait till we can do it together... LMAO. "Hey big FELLA!" We were so lit the other night I made Maria's friends watch that part like 5 times while I was rolling on the floor laughing hysterically. Anyway, Rebecca said that I threw the bouquet on time and Ashley said I was wonderful, and Matthew said I was too aside from the earliness... lmfao... and then Celeste said I was a wonderful Betty and that I could be Betty anytime. :-D LOL. I was FREAKING out for sure after I got off stage. Why am I so... ?! lol. But my main goal right now is just getting used to the stage again. It's different in drama class... not near as scary. But yeah. Speaking of which I gotta email Busty, one of the Magentas for B.L. She offered to help me. She is so nice! She's fabulous. That night was just really good. Then after the show gabbed with some people, talked to Paul about makeup and makeup school and what not and he said when me and Matthew come down he'll take us to the biggest makeup store ever and that I'll pretty much die. I forget the name though...
Oh. Benefit. Benefit is probably hiring an outside counter manager, which really pisses me off because not only am I screwed but the whole counter is. Whatever. I'm about to bounce after I get my gratis. I figure I'll get a full time job but keep that job until after school and gratis and then peace out. I've been working there for 6 months so it would be dumb of me not to get my $300 worth of free makeup when I am so close. I think I am going to start building a freelance kit and make my own business cards. Cristina said I should. And I am starting to think I could. I know I COULD but I don't know if I was to committ to that... ::shrug:: I think I am going to get Gilded, Mr. Frosty, some more Bad Gal Lash... maybe some of the coloured plush mascaras, probably some lipsticks... Probably MORE loose pigments. I dunno. Whatev.
I have been thinking about dropping Abnormal Pysc, too. I love the class but it requires so much study time and stuff and I just get so tired now-a-days... I need to stop having so much "fun" and just buckle down. That's hard for me. If you know me you know I don't have a lot of self-discipline... Well, that's all for now I guess.

::DaRk BlU::

Whoops.

Fri, 03 Feb 2006 00:05:26 GMT

Fuck.
I am so the Prodigal daughter.
FUCK.
FUCK.
I fucked UP bad this time...

i'm probably going to explode

Thu, 02 Feb 2006 23:29:18 GMT

I'm probably making this up, it's true
I'm probably making this up...

Thing that has been annoying me:
Magenta's BOOTS. How HARD can you GET?!

i swear i do i fit right in

Thu, 02 Feb 2006 23:15:30 GMT

I fit right in your perfect skin...
I fit right in your perfect sin.
---

What's been going on?
Well I've been busy. Didn't you know? Very.
I can't remember everything that has happened. Here's some highlights. Sunday I went to Lestat with Matthew, and it was fabulous and I had a fabulous time. He makes me laugh to the point where I can't breath and start doing this embarrassing asthmatic cough thing...
Anyway.
Monday, can't remember. Oh yeah. I missed work by accident and spent the day cleaning and then doing miscellaneous errands.
Tuesday, can't remember. Oh yeah. Paid my speeding ticket and then ditched school to go shopping in Berkeley with Jace, then went to work.
Wednesday. Shit. What happened Wednesday? Oh yeah. I cleaned compulsively and then Matthew came over and we ran errands and rehearsed. I now have a new DVD player and two copies of the best movie ever.
Thursday. That's today! Went to class. It was good. Did some fun improv that was twisted and involved a lot of references to crack...

"I was high and produced...a crack baby!"
"And that crack baby was...ME?"
"So what if I'm high?... on CRACK!"
"OMG... that house was full of...crack!"
It seemed to be an ongoing theme that proved hilarious. Abnormal Pysc was good except for the fact that I almost started CRYING! No further comment on that. I have hella homework I need to be doing, and then I have to buy...something. I forget. Milk and something else. Oh yeah. I got ANOTHER ticket today! My life is full of tickets. I am so over it. I have to buy STAMPS I guess to mail the check with the ticket. ::grumble:: I got a PARKING ticket this time. Now I have three of a kind! Ha. Oh, gotta set up traffic school still... and got to get my car running so I can pay my OTHER ticket, which was a fix-it ticket. I think that's due on the 8th. Anyway, lately I have been feeling socially isolated and depressed, even though I have no reason to be depressed, so I am not quite sure why I feel so.
I guess I feel alone, even though I have people around me constantly. I don't know WHY this is happening. And I don't know why I continue to love my parents when they don't deserve to be loved by me. What is my PROBLEM?! Why do I always give attention to the people who deserve it least? Why do I love being treated like shit? Is this some sadistic addiction? Why don't I ever end up liking NICE GUYS? I thought I almost did.
But then he was too nice.
Now I am back at square one.
No, I'm at negative square because I am questioning my sexuality again.
On another note...
I have recently obtained 28 new eyeshadows from Ben Nye. I am obsessed. But I also did my eye makeup really fun today! Makeup is so much fun! Makeup makeup makeup. I still need to acquire a few more things... I need white powder (I have some but I don't think I like it) new brushes, different false eyelashes, and... oh yes. The correct lipstick color. I think this one at Benefit is the right shade. Bachelor Pad. Well, I am going to go and do something that will make me feel better or worse. I dunno. HOMEWORK, LIANE.
Oh. Yeah. Yesterday I had my stupid interview and our new vice prez or whatever the hell she is and coordinator are hussies. I don't think I am going to get the full-time position. I think they are going to hire someone from outside. If so I am going to SPLIT right down to the temp agency and start working hxc on my resume. Which I should be doing anyway. Oh yeah, I have to buy a printer. It would be cool if I had a FULL TIME JOB so I could BUY A PRINTER without worrying about the cost as much. I just want to stop spending my college money. I want just a little more security. I want to know what the hell is up with my car. I want to know WHY I keep getting all these tickets. And I want to know the secret... to life... itself! I want to not worry for just ONE DAY. I want my roommate to stop coming home shit faced with her friends. I want to be able to walk into my livingroom at night without seeing a co-worker having sex on my couch. I want her to clean up after myself. I want something to give me energy and relieve anxiety. I want I want I want! I am INSATIABLE! Satisfy me.

No but seriously.

WHAT THE FUCK

::DaRk BlU::

::grumble grumble::

Fri, 27 Jan 2006 05:29:51 GMT

I am so tired. Today has been an exhausting endeavor!
School was awesome. I laughed so hard in both of my classes! There are some really talented people in my acting class. I am very intrigued by some of them. I am learning loads in both my classes... Oh, and I guess Astronomy and Soc too, but not really. Stupid onliners! So much work! The other classes aren't as much work. I thought it would be the opposite. No matter. Have to read and take notes on two chapters of Pysc this weekend and also take notes on Sunday for Theater. I just finished a Sociology assignment and quiz and just finished this insanely long and tedious Astronomy assignment. I still need to take like 4 quizzes and register with Mastering Astronomy...as well as read chapters 1 and 2. I haven't even opened the book!
So I made a copy of a copy of a key for the apartment but it doesn't work. Sucks! Still haven't made it to the leasing office, on account of...
After class my mom picked me up and took me out to lunch. We then rented me a car. The lady at the rental place was hella legit - she rented it to me even though I'm only 18! She could tell I'm responsible. We then went to get MY car fixed! The transmission isn't broken! YET. It just has a major leak with the transmission fluid... the jackasses at Dodge left a hose undone when my radiator was replaced! It's been leaking fluid all month! So Alex put more fluid in it but it ALL leaked out, so tomorrow morning he is going to fix up the hose and put even more fluid in it. I am going to have him do a full like...SCAN on my car to make sure everything is in proper working order before I leave, and if it isn't I'll pay him to fix it so I can be done with it! So I am doing that tomorrow HELLA early in the morning. Ew. I am going to scrub it. Then I work tomorrow night, and after that I am going over to Jace's to game! Wo0t. I am cool. After my car is all good I am going to get it washed thoroughly, inside and out and just BREATH. Oh. And return the rental. And clean and unpack some more before work, because I wanted everything perfect by this weekend! It's not going to happen unfortunately. Then I am going to... I dunno. Something productive. There's not enough hours in the day to do everything I need to. Meeting Deva to give him taillight money. Bye.

::DaRk BlU::

Sorry if I'm paranoid. I just want to forget it.

i ask for nothing...MUCH

Thu, 26 Jan 2006 18:47:05 GMT

Just to be treated like a human being.
I want more than this world's got to offer.
I was going to read the chapter for abnormal pysch...but I ended up on myspace...AGAIN. Damnit!
Today mom's taking me to my car. Calling Alex and he's going to look at it. Made a copy of the room key from a copy and it doesn't work. Gotta go to leasing office today. Going out to lunch with mom.
I started smoking again. :-X Didn't tell you guys this. But I started like... a week ago again. Whoops. Oh well! I don't smoke NEAR as much as Maria. But then again she chain smokes. Judge me. I want you to.
I dare you to!
I sang for someone last night and it was really embarrassing. If I have sang for you before, count yourself among a very lucky few because I get so EMBARRASSED. You have to go through hell to get a note out of me. I mean, for solo performances. For some reason it is easier to do in front of even two people. But one? I don't know.
Doing some more improv today. I look like a blast from the past... '80s style. Wish I could find Ashley or Shannon's myspace! Matt, do you have Shannon on your myspace?

::DaRk BlU::

uh huh

Thu, 26 Jan 2006 18:42:41 GMT

I'll see what's up.
But then I'm through.
Progress report!
I feel like Bridget Jones.
---

1.) Start eating better
Doing a lot better, actually.
2.) Start working out at least 20 minutes 3x a week - shopping doesn't count!
Does taking out the trash count?
3.) Start saving money. Bills first! Only 2 pairs of shoes a month. [Ouch]
I only bought two pairs of shoes. Haven't saved money. I paid my bills!...Second.
4.) Pay off credit cards in FULL.
Yes, but then I used my Macy*s again...
5.) Drink LOTS of water.
Doing a LITTLE better.
6.) Take all meds regularly and on time!
Yeah um... gotta get those refilled...
7.) Keep car/room/stuff organized and clean.
In the process of improvement!
8.) Borrow money from parents as LAST RESORT.
Haven't borrowed a cent.
9.) Return phone calls same day received if possible.
Dismal right now, sorry all.
10.) Stop running up my phone bill.
Only $68 this month!
11.) Stop picking!
Not so hot.
12.) Reference palm pilot - make it useful!
A little better.
13.) Take care of business always
Moderately better.
14.) Stand up for self more
EXTREMELY better!
15.) Start drawing/painting/designing/sewing again
Nope.
16.) Get at least 4 hours of sleep a night!
HA!
17.) Keep nails not looking janky.
A lot better.
18.) FLOSS. lol shuttup you know you guys don't either...
Erm...
19.) Stop packing and keeping useless shit
Erm...
20.) Stop buying so much makeup and corset tops
Ha.
21.) Read at least 1 book a month
At this point I'm surprised I'm still literate.
22.) Expose self to new music and art regularly
I'll get there.
23.) Go back to 8-step magic formula
There, too.
24.) Pull always!
There, too.
25.) Fill out B.A. Sales Report nightly
Crap. I stopped for a bit.
26.) Open two credits a month
Sure...
27.) Stop negative self-talk
Really really bad!
28.) Appreciate life more. Live fast die pretty!
Doing a lot better.
29.) Never compromise beliefs to make others happy
Doing better...
30.) Change oil every 3,000 miles... not every 4,136 miles!
We'll see.
31.) Go for what I want - always!
Doing considerably better.
32.) Keep checkbook balanced accurately.
Not at ALL.
33.) Stop cussing so fucking much
Remains the same.
34.) Learn how to drive...better. :-/
Heh...
35.) Stop making up stuff to get a 35th resolution to satisfy compulsion with numbers having to be multiples of 5.
Still indulging in compulsions.

Well all, it's time for my debut... kiss my ass.

::DaRk BlU::

it's fate

Thu, 26 Jan 2006 17:55:06 GMT

This is not a joke! lol.

You are Magenta. The lip gloss that sank the

titanic.

Which Rocky Horror character are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

I love it.

::DaRk BlU::

that's right tight, that's right...

Tue, 24 Jan 2006 18:17:22 GMT

Oh.
I am learning how to play Dungeons and Dragons and Vampire Masquerade.
JEALOUS?
RPG's, woo hoo!
Oh, and if another "gamer" person tells me I "look" like a Toreador, I am going to scream.

::DaRk BlU::

yeah bitches!

Tue, 24 Jan 2006 18:15:55 GMT

So I like how people can be spiteful and jealous... NOT.
So I get to school two hours early today, because Jeff picked me up, and he has school early... But anyway, he drops me off like two miles from my first class for no reason except for the fact he's pissed at me. I didn't say anything though. I was too tired. While I was walking in the bitter cold, though, THAT'S when I thought of all the things I wanted to say.
GET OVER YOURSELF. Why do you feel like you need a romantic relationship to validate your worth? You aren't going to find it with me, OR my friends, so just STOP and stop being an ass about taking me to school, when it is ON YOUR WAY, and I just filled up your gas tank with PREMIUM gas! Because your piece of shit car really needs it... riight...
I got about three hours of sleep last night. Stayed up cleaning and unpacking, though by looking at the apartment you would never be able to tell. ::sigh:: Yesterday all Maria and I did was shop. I can safely say that the kitchen and bathroom are basically done. Now we just need the dining room and living room. She needs to get Comcast out there, too... Work was okay. It's been going okay. Going to temp agency soon. Re-doing my resume as soon as I get my computer up... Have an interview with the new Vice Prez of Benefit on Thursday to get full-time. Don't know if I want it yet. I could do better. Will see.
Car is still sitting on the side of the road. I got a new phone and it has the same number... I don't have anyone's number anymore, though, so ya'll will have to call me so I can save it to my phone. Lost my keys [again] and my palm pilot. Am severely annoyed by this. Hoping to God that my keys are in the cabinet at Benefit. Will call before class starts at 11:00. Maria's there. Some guy is watching hockey on he PC across from me. lol. I've been feeling weird lately. I'm trying not to be stressed and live day by day... Taking the Tiffani Duran approach to life.
"Why are you stressing out? The bills are still going to be there tomorrow. Have fun today!" That's a reader's digest version of her lecture to me, lol. It actually has some logic in it in its full expanse. School's going good. I should read my text books and stuff. College is really different from highschool... In good ways, but it's harder academically. No, not academically persay...orginizationally. lol. If that's a word. My online classes are what sort of bug... They are totally independent so I need to be more disciplined. I also need to get school supplies [still] because abnormal pysc has a lot of crap. I can't even remember. I need to read the syllabus. I should have gotten stuff at Target the other day, but I didn't remember. What a boring entry for you all. Sorry. Trying not to be monotanous, but my brain is fogged.
Rocky was good like USUAL on Saturday. Well it was really really fun, actually. Sort of exceptional. I wasn't tired so I was really social, and Elvie and Ashley were there and I enjoy talking to them a lot. I sort of like not bringing anyone to Rocky, then I don't feel like I have to babysit. I guess it depends on the person, though, too and if they have gone before or not. Like Renata, I would never feel that way with her. Just some people. I really wish I could have brought Elaine while she was up here! Well when I visit her we'll have to go to M.I. or Sins or something because I know she'll get a kick out of it. She is also someone I could see getting really into the social life there. Just because she's a sav like that. I dunno. Oh yeah! Matthew came over the other day and we rehearsed/practiced a little bit and we also watched Shock Treatment. Can you say WEIRD? I think I said "what the fuck" in every scene. I like how Patricia Quinn was essentially Magenta...AGAIN. Not being sarcastic. Oh, and Richard O'Brien is a lot hotter in RHPS. But Little Nell is a lot hotter in Shock Treatment, but her role is... Not as involved I guess you might say. Smaller? I don't know. But I DO have a new aspiration, and that is to re-create Janet's "little black dress". It's so hot! I'll only do it though if I can find sequined fabric [which, if you didn't know, is becoming harder and harder to find] because hand-sequining all of that is too much of a bitch to deal with when I need to focus on other costuming as well. Anyway, I am buying a sewing machine soon. Really soon. For real this time. :-D UGH I need to call Taylor regardless! Remind me to do that today, OK?!
What else has been going on... I cut my foot yesterday and it bled profusely. That was fun. Oh, I didn't share about the cool kids I met on the bus stop. Met this one kid and talked to him for a bit, forget his name, but we had an in-depth convo about local bands. It was pretty sweet. Then I met this guy called "Big Tone" that was outfitted in what looked like a Tai Kwon Do uniform and a black trench coat and top hat. Intriguing. Anyway, he's a musician [go figure] and actually is about to move to L.A. because he got some sweet record deal or something. I'm like, wow cool! He does all this jazz stuff and plays like 5 instruments. He has interesting lingo. BUT YOU DON'T CARE. Moving on...
Oh I haven't seen my friend/co-worker here yet, and we have classes at the same time in almost the same place, so I don't know why I haven't run into him. He's taking improv the same time I'm taking Theater 1a, and then he takes Theater 1b while I'm in abnormal. I think.
I love feel-good music. Going to be a nerd now for another 45 minutes before class starts and take quizzes.

::DaRk BlU::

excellent article

Tue, 24 Jan 2006 17:42:36 GMT

From Czechoslovakia to Costa Rica and Mexico, cops have seized American overseers for caging or mistreating American teens at harsh "boot camps" run under foreign flags to escape U.S. law.
But here at home, the companies that ship teenagers to remote reform schools can freely go about their business in many states. You can dial 1-800-355-TEEN to reach the sales staff of Teen Help, LLC, who can arrange for your child to be spirited away. They might put you in touch with "escorts," guys who can pull up to your driveway in a van and transport even the most defiant child to the airport. The next destination is up to you: a "tough love" school here in the 50 states, like Majestic Ranch in Utah or Spring Creek Lodge Academy in Montana?
Or perhaps Tranquility Bay, a barbed-wire discipline facility in Jamaica, where some of the approximately 250 teens can find themselves confined against their will and marched around by guards. Only the devil stands in the way of your consumer choice. The devil, that is, and a lone congressman, Rep. George Miller, D-Calif.
Just ask Ken Kay. He's the president of the tightly knit group of Utah men who run these outposts with their families, under the umbrella company World-Wide Association of Specialty Programs and Schools (WWASPS), whose leaders, critics say, try to hide their role in running the schools by running them under different names. Ken's son Jay, a college dropout who ran a mini-mart in San Diego, now oversees Tranquility Bay, where he had admitted to the media that he squirted pepper spray on his charges in the past.
As a teen at Tranquility Bay, you can't call home and are escorted between rooms by Jamaican "chaperones." Talk out of turn and your punishment might be that a trio of guards wrestles you to the ground. "They start twisting and pulling your limbs, grinding your ankles," a student told the British newspaper The Guardian. Not knowing when you'll go home, you might take cold showers and watch "emotional growth" videos. The promise is that you will return a respectful, happy teen. But many WWASPS alumni who've banded together at online survivor websites like Tranquility Bay Fight and Fornits say their lives haven't been saved, they've been devastated.
Several WWASPS schools have been shut down after abuse claims. Tranquility Bay's counterpart, High Impact, a WWASP affiliate in Mexico, closed in 2002 after dark stories emerged. Teens said they were kept in dog cages. Two parents, Chris Goodwin and Stephanie Hecker, told the Rocky Mountain News their children were made to lie in their underwear for three nights with fire ants roaming over them and were threatened with a cattle prod if they scratched.
In December, Rep. Miller asked Congress's nonpartisan General Accounting Office (GAO) to launch a fact-finding probe into similar schools, claiming the $1.2 billion teen rehabilitation clinic industry is shrouded in secrecy. Miller's office is awaiting word from the GAO on the investigation request. After a call to the GAO, AlterNet was told no decision had been made yet as to whether to launch the study, which would look into whether the industry was receiving special tax treatment or using fraudulent marketing techniques. Asked why he requested the probe, Rep. Miller explained, "Far too little is known about the so-called 'behavior modification' industry, even as it has surged in size since the 1990s, and that is why I have asked the GAO to review it... There is no excuse for allowing children to be placed in unlicensed programs where their physical or emotional health is jeopardized."
But company president Kay told AlterNet he questioned the congressman's motives. "I think that he must just want to be powerful, or seen as, 'oh, the guy that saved all these children from abuse,'" says Kay. "My fear is that he has a vendetta."
The WWASPS schools rake in about $80 million a year. Claiming to enlist about 1,250 students (the official number has dropped from 2,500 in 2003), the company schools are part of a wider industry, estimated to hold 10,000 teenagers, that is rarely covered by the news media.
Miller, senior Democrat on the U.S. House Committee on Education and the Workforce, is pushing for a bill, H.R. 1738, to increase state licensing of the teen control trade and hold Americans who run foreign discipline schools accountable to U.S. laws. Company president Kay, however, suggested Miller may also have a partisan, anti-Republican motive against WWASPS.
It's true that WWASPS is generous to the GOP. The schools and "teen transport" company are run by a web of cell-like corporate entities that deny their interconnectedness -- but share family members, billing addresses and other obvious signs of affiliation. At the top is founder Bob Lichfield, who lives in Utah on a posh ranch, his lifestyle and political presence fueled by tuition payments. According to the Salt Lake City Tribune Bob Lichfield and his family and business associates have given given over $1 million to GOP politics at the local and national level.
The lobbying seems to have paid off. Seeing as how the National Mental Health Association has categorically condemned juvenile boot camps as counterproductive "bullying," the goal would appear to be keeping oversight out of the hands of mental health experts. Like some timber companies and others, a number of "troubled teen" companies have promoted the idea that they should be their own watchdogs. While the rules are tightening this year in Utah, a frontier is opening in Montana. As Michelle Chen reported in the NewStandard, a pro-WWASPS plan is winning out in the state over a tougher one, coinciding with WWASPS school Spring Creek Lodge Academy's $50,000 lobbying push to water down the rules. Instead of the state Department of Health, the new plan lets industry insiders watch over schools such as Spring Creek and others. And there will be exemptions for "faith-based" schools.
So far, WWASPS hasn't chosen the God loophole, but its officials attach such religious zeal to teen control that the "faith-based" label would fit the company snugly. "Do I believe that God is finding a way for teens to get help? I do," Lichfield once told the Los Angeles Times. "Do I believe that Satan is interested in thwarting it? I do." Asked in December about his boss's remarks, Kay waxed philosophical: "If you have a spiritual side, I think you can truly believe that there may be some adversarial part of our nature and makeup that gets involved." Then there are other adversaries, some of whom Kay has called "wackos" -- a steady parade of unhappy mothers and teens, as well as the pesky foreign cops who have arrested camp leaders at Kay's schools for "human rights violations."
The company has spent the last decade trailblazing an unregulated frontier. Like manufacturers, they've outsourced to foreign countries which have different laws and standards. A predecessor like STRAIGHT, Inc., from 1976 to 1993 the foremost teenage drug rehab outfit in America, was driven out of business by liability and sued for false imprisonment and manhandling of children. But as industry watchers have discovered, the early 1990s saw new business models emerging for "tough love." WWASPS' approach has been a goldmine. By splintering its business empire into fragments -- including Teen Help, Adolescent Services, Inc., and Teen Escort (the teen retrieval arm) -- it has received much more leeway to conceal accountability and money trails, its critics argue. Draw a map of the network, Utah state prosecutor Craig Barlowe told the New York Times in 2003, and you'll see "a lateral arabesque with no hub except for these connections in Utah." Barlowe was pursuing a child abuse charge against the director of a WWASP-affiliated school at the time.
On the consumer end, parents are offered thousands of dollars in sales incentives for finding new kids or promoting WWASP schools, the New York Times has reported. The schools' hunger for pupils has created a proliferation of promotional websites -- like Helpyourteens.com and FamilyFirstAid.org -- beckoning mom and dad to ship the kid to the "friendly tourist Island [sic]" of Tranquility Bay, the "prime forest land" of WWASPS' Spring Creek Lodge and other pleasurable-sounding destinations. (As author Maia Szalavitz documents in her upcoming book, Help at Any Cost, at WWASPS program Paradise Cove in Samoa, which is now shuttered, kids caught scabies, and guards confined bad kids to a 3 feet by 3 feet plywood chamber that teens referred to as "The Box.")
School of hard knocks
Two Pulitzer Prize-winning reporters, Lou Kilzer of the Rocky Mountain News and Tim Weiner of the New York Times have written exposes of the kennel cages, bug infestations, unqualified staff and confinement to punishment rooms that have been passed off under the Harry Potter-esque language of "boarding school." Rep. Miller's spokesman Tom Kiley said that substandard education is just one of the areas of concern that the GAO needs to help resolve about WWASPS and the wider industry. This August, one facility with the prestigious name "Academy at Ivy Ridge" in New York had to refund more than $1 million after pretending to offer legitimate high school diplomas.
WWASPS eludes the attention and regulation it might receive if its institutions were presented as health care facilities instead of schools. There is little to show for them as high-water marks in American education, however; when not being bombarded with Tony Robbins motivational tapes, kids learn by rote and fill out multiple-choice tests. While a promotional website claims that "more than 80 percent of the graduates of these programs go on to attend some of the best universities and professional schools in the country," Kay didn't respond to a request for an example of a student at an Ivy League or other top school. Referring to WWASPS-affiliated institutions, Maia Szalavitz said admissions officers are unlikely to be impressed by the education, which not only stresses conformity over critical thinking but can include long stays in solitary confinement.
Over two years ago, Rep. Miller was turned down by then-Attorney General John Ashcroft when he asked him to investigate possible crimes revealed in the New York Times reports. "Congressman Miller sees this as a top priority," says Miller's spokesman Kiley. "The promise is that your child is going to be treated with respect, and that these are the people meant to help them. In fact, the opposite is happening."
The money linking WWASPS and Republicans, says Kiley, "definitely sends up red flags," but he wouldn't go so far as to claim a web of connections. Miller's proposed End Institutional Abuse Against Children Act, would give states $50 million to help license schools, establish new criminal and civil penalties for leaders of abusive programs and let the government regulate overseas camps that are presently beyond the arm of the law. Right now, the State Department warns that it "has no authority to regulate these entities."
Company president Kay, however, told AlterNet that local authorities already do a "great job" regulating the schools.
Under Montana's new plan, that board, dominated by industry insiders, will be responsible for making sure companies avoid some of what has befallen WWASPS's 450-teen Spring Creek Lodge Academy campus in Thompson Falls, Mont., in the last three years. Such as the time that Karlye Anne Newman from Denver, days shy of 17, hanged herself from a bunkhouse there in 2004. Or making sure the firm doesn't again allow a man like former employee Keith Wood, 31, in the proximity of troubled youth. Wood last February went to nearby Plains and shot a romantic rival seven times with a Glock pistol before turning the weapon on himself.
According to a 2004 report in the Missoula Independent that re-opened Karlye's forgotten death, the kids are forbidden to speak of her suicide -- or spread tales of Jamaica, a distant island that looms over them as a fate worse than Montana. "That's a Cat-4," a student said when the paper asked about the dead girl. "We can't talk about Karlye." A card around the student's neck helpfully informed the reporter that a Cat-4 meant losing rank in the program, meaning staying longer at the camp and costing dad thousands more in tuition. Tuition at the lodge runs at about $40,680 a year, a typical figure for these schools.
Abuse, says Kay, doesn't happen anymore often than in the public school system. "That doesn't mean we're gonna shut down the public schools," he said.
Unless, of course, if your middle school principal kept girls in multi-day "stress positions" similar to the kind approved by Donald Rumsfeld for use on Muslim prisoners. As Maia Szalavitz relates in "Help At Any Cost," that was the case at a WWASPS school for girls in Mexico. It was called Sunset Beach and was shut down after being raided by local police in 1996. Authorities seized and later released overseers Glenda and Steve Roach. A company official blamed "the local legal system" for the ensuing closure of the school.
But across the world in the Czech Republic, two years later, authorities reached similar conclusions after finding that the WWASPS-affiliated Morava Academy was holding kids in windowless rooms and forcing them to remain on their stomachs for days. Czech cops arrested and released the overseers on bail for illegal imprisonment and torture, the British Guardian reported.
The accused were the Roaches, the same people arrested in Mexico. At press time AlterNet could not locate the Roaches for comment or determine the outcome of their case, though industry watchdog group International Survivors Action Committee has claimed to have located them in the Bahamas living under new names. Czech press reports paint a cloudy picture as to their whereabouts, with Glenda leaving the country before trial on a health waiver, and Steven "at large" to avoid criminal investigation, according to Radio Prague and other sources.
But somehow, according to WWASPS officials' statements to the press, it was the teens' fault for being "master manipulators" who'd tricked the European officials into thinking there was abuse. In 2003, a dramatic teen uprising in Costa Rica at the company's Dundee Ranch school brought WWASPS to the attention of Times national security reporter Tim Weiner. The uprising began after a visit by Costa Rican officials, who told students they had more rights under local law than WWASPS allowed them. "They told us you have the right to speak, you have the right to speak to your parents, you have the right to leave if you feel you've been mistreated," 17-year-old Hugh Maxwell told the Times. "Kids heard that and they started running for the door. There was elation, cheering and clapping and chaos. People were crying."
Six people told the Times that staff beat the children to stop them from leaving. As order collapsed, Costa Ricans seized control and hauled off the founder's brother, Narvin Lichfield, in handcuffs for holding kids against their will, releasing him a day later. In a statement, the company complained that the Latin American prosecutor, with his "Rambo-like tactics," had told kids they could "do whatever they wanted, without consequences." According to the Salt Lake Tribune, Narvin Lichfield was charged in Costa Rica with "aggravated privation of liberty, coercion and international crimes." A Costa Rican judge ordered him to stay in the country for six months, but ultimately Lichfield did not stand trial.
An evil world without consequences, populated by lying teens, is what WWASPS's officials and pro-company parents often say they're up against, a nearly metaphysical threat. Participating families must attend motivational seminars on the struggle. Ex-participant Karen Lile, a piano seller in Northern California, has written an essay alleging that she suffered "distress and emotional shock" from a Teen Help "discovery seminar" she attended at a Holiday Inn which, she wrote, encouraged her to keep her child in the program. Witnesses at similar events describe the atmosphere as rising to the fever pitch of religious revival road shows, with adults wailing and beating on chairs.
So how are mom and dad talked into keeping their kids at a foreign detention center? The pamphlets for one Teen Help-affiliated school show kids playing basketball and wandering amid natural wonders, rediscovering lost innocence. As long as parents ignore the small letters warning, "Not all Photos [sic] taken at the facility," they can tell themselves they are buying a snooty private education.
And they are told it's this or death on the streets. "If your child needed a kidney transplant to save their life, you would come up with the money," Kay said. "If the value of your child's life isn't worth the cost of a new car " And they're warned not to believe teens who may spin tall tales of abuse. After a high school basketball player named Paul Richards was sent to Paradise Cove in Samoa, Szalavitz recounts in her book, his parents received a newsletter, "WHUTZ UP in Paradise Cove," offering a lesson in how to avoid being "manipulated" by letters from the front.
The lesson presents a sample letter reading, in part: "It is not the camp you promised ... The [program staff] are mean and beat me when I do something they don't like."
Parents are encouraged to write back with dispassionate jargon: "Work your program."
The young basketballer later told Szalavitz that "working" his own $2,000-a-month "program" meant letting groups of shaved-headed teens belittle him for refusing to "see the light" and be grateful. "They just circle you up, and they all start yelling at you at the same time and say how shitty a person you were," he said. "'You're worthless, you're pathetic, you're a piece of shit, you're a compulsive liar and nobody likes you,' just basically stuff 'til they broke down your self-esteem."
Was a shipment to the Jamaica security complex appropriate for a teenage girl who'd been sleeping around? Kay, asked the question, stressed that being flown to a school like Tranquility Bay is "a child's right." Teens "should expect that their parents have the right to step in on their behalf and make some decisions for them," he said. Some kids have entered WWASPS-affiliated schools for no infraction more serious than fighting with a stepmother. No court order is required.
Szalavitz says there's no evidence for the legitimacy of the "treatment" at most of the schools, which operate in a regulatory climate without consequences. As there is no research into long-term effects, she'd like to see studies done on whether any WWASPS alumni have been left with post-traumatic stress disorder. Some parents have described their kids' WWASPS transformations with language more "Dawn of the Dead" than "Dead Poets Society." Alex Ziperovich, 16, emerged from Spring Creek Lodge "35 pounds lighter, acting like a zombie," his mother, a Seattle attorney, told the New York Times.
Where's the outcry?
Why haven't stories like the ones by Weiner and Kilzer, Pulitzer winners both, caused a public outcry and swift government reaction? Do press accounts give WWASPS too much equal time? "It's a ridiculous way of covering things. We don't cover any other kind of health care that way," Szalavitz says, suggesting the press wouldn't be so charitable to non-doctors who claimed to have a new method for extracting tumors. Most news features take the he-said-she-said approach familiar to us from recent reporting on Intelligent Design: "WWASPS isn't for everyone ..." But, says Szalavitz, "This is not a story of 'some people go to this church, some people go to that church.'" Szalavitz added, "We're selling what they stamped out of psychiatric institutions 100 years ago."
Oddly enough, WWASPS president Ken Kay himself has raised unsettling questions about the programs Rep. Miller is waging his battle to regulate. During a period in 2002 when he'd split with WWASPS, he told the Rocky Mountain News' Kilzer: "These people are basically a bunch of untrained people who work for this organization. So they don't have any credentials of any kind. We could be leading these kids to long-term problems that we don't have a clue about because we're not going about it in the proper way ... How in the hell can you call yourself a behavior-modification program -- and that's one of the ways it's marketed -- when nobody has the expertise to determine, is this good, is this bad?"
Kay has since rejoined WWASPS as president. Asked in an email interview in December whether his concerns had since been calmed since 2002, Kay said he was quoted out of context. "Nobody [calmed] my worries for children," he wrote back. "There are trained authorities that deal with abuse. All necessary systems are in place ..."
John Gorenfeld is a freelance writer in San Francisco. He has a blog at gorenfeld.net.

WWASP affiliated article. Really good. Should read. I was there! [Tranquility Bay - Jamaica]

::DaRk BlU::

Some people are so fucking sick.

guess where i fucking am

Fri, 20 Jan 2006 02:22:08 GMT

Las Positas.
No, not STILL.
I'm fucking BACK.
I hate the bus. Okay? Okay. So the bus schedules are hella misleading. Tell me I did not just spend a total of two hours and fifteen minutes waiting for then GETTING ON the wrong bus, taking a tour of Livermore then landing my ass back here!
THIS IS WHY I REFUSE TO TAKE PUBLIC TRANSIT UNLESS I ABSOLUTELY HAVE TO.
Do you understand NOW?
I just WASTED TWO HOURS.
I WON'T BE ABLE TO GET SHIT DONE TODAY! NOTHING! EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE FUCKING CLOSED BY TIME I GET BACK...TO WHEREVER I CAN GET BACK TO! IF I EVEN CAN GET BACK THERE!
So basically if Jeff doesn't answer his phone or does and can't help me
Or if my parents refuse to help me...assuming I can get ahold of them...
I am going to be spending the night on a FUCKING PARK BENCH because I don't have anyone's number.
I totally hate everything right now. I am so pissed off. SO PISSED OFF.

And tell me...WHY DO YOU HAVE TO BE 25 TO RENT A CAR?! I'm 18. I can smoke, vote, move out of my parents house, have had my liscence for 2 1/2 YEARS, have owned a car for about that long, HAVE INSURANCE, but I can't RENT A CAR?! If I could rent a car none of this would be happening right now and I'd be on my merry way, and so would my car, in the shop getting fixed. People are so STUPID. I have good credit. I am RELIABLE. I AM FUCKING RESPONSIBLE AS ALL HELL. And pretty much fucking self-sustaining, until NOW where I am forced to rely on others and when push comes to shove oh look... who do I have to rely on... Oh wait...

I just want to scream, "FUCK YOU" over and over and over again.

::DaRk BlU::

grr! there's still so much more i want to say!

Thu, 19 Jan 2006 23:50:49 GMT

I'm beautiful and fabulous!

attention!

Thu, 19 Jan 2006 22:17:48 GMT

Hello all.
Not only is my phone dead, but now it is also LOST and dead. Somewhere. Not in the apartment, not in my dad's car... which really only leaves one option, and that's school. Unless it is in my MOM's car... but I don't think so... No, I am pretty sure I had it at school...
And school is where I am right now. I just finished classes and am about to go on a quest and look for it. Hopefully I find it and can charge it tonight. Sorry to all the people who have been trying to get ahold of me or people I told that I would call. I thought I had my phone... but yeah. As it turns out...
My car is still in Castro Valley. Last night Brenna was kind enough to cart my ass around and I was able to get AAA, which I can use tonight at 8:00. I am going to get it towed to Wheel Works in Dublin, but I need to call them. Meaning I need to find my phone and charge it so I can do so. And when I find it I also need to find a ride back to my place so I can charge it. Then a ride out to Castro Valley. Then a ride back to the apartment. And then a ride to Wheel Works the next day to get that settled. Then a ride to and from work. I HATE NOT HAVING A CAR THAT WORKS!

Got my textbooks today, thankfully. In the mail. But all of them with the exception of Abnormal Pysch. are in my mom's car, so I need to go by her place somehow and gather those... I also need to go to the bank to make some deposits. There's so much I need to do but am unable to do right now! I have come to the conclusion that it is almost impossible to exist without a car and phone. Now a rant/rave about school.
I love school. I love Theater. I love the exercises we do. I am not too thrilled with the instructor, but maybe that will change. He knows what he is talking about at any rate, which is refreshing. I think I will get A LOT out of that class to aid me in whatever I end up pursuing. Abnormal Pysch is VERY disturbing sometimes, but extremely interesting. Today we watched this video and it made me think. A LOT. ABOUT EVERYTHING. It's so funny because according to my age I am not at the point in my life where I should be and consequently I am faced with a lot of choices and questions that I normally wouldn't be until say mid-twenties to early thirties. We took a poll in the class, and almost everyone is living at home and their biggest STRESS is school. I'm like... Hi...my name is Liane. My biggest ENJOYMENT right now is school and my biggest STRESS is finances. Hi. And, let it be known, that I was the only person in the class that said finances were a stress and that FAMILY really wasn't. Why? I am not really connected with them. They don't really have anything to do with my life. I also think my priorities are shifting. And something tells me this is good. Something also tells me I should get some clearly defined priorities. I think school needs to be number one or two, and then job obviously three or four... God used to be my number one priority, and now He isn't, and I kind of feel guilty, but I don't want to... I need to know the source of the guilt: Do I feel guilty because I was brought up to think that God should be my number one priority, or do I feel guilty because things that are seemingly superficially are my first priorities, or do I feel guilty because that is simply what my number one priority has always been and now it isn't? Or was that ever my number one? I think number one must have been appeasing my parents and society. So is my strife with religion really with God or is it totally societal? Ahh.
Things that have been flooding my brain are:
Get unpacked, organized, decorate. Get the apartment together.
Get a new phone/find old phone.
Get CAR fixed and cleaned and organized.
CALL Taylor. I really need to call her. Which requires a phone.
What do I want? What do I WANT? My mind is playing tricks on me again. I'm going to go ponder life and try to find my phone.
I want to live, love and be happy.

::DaRk BlU::

::cries::

Wed, 18 Jan 2006 05:28:25 GMT

I NEED MY RENATA!
I NEED MY ELAINYKINS!
I NEED MY KIRA!

:'(

I need my girls.

::DaRk BlU::

it's fucking called RESPECT

Wed, 18 Jan 2006 04:51:05 GMT

And if you can't respect me, I don't want you in my life.
I don't care who you are
Or where you came from
Or if you think you are a big deal or not.
If you don't respect me, you are nothing to me.
Fucking %200, okay? %200...
And this applies to everyone.

I really try to see the good in people. ALWAYS. That's just the kind of person I am. I give second chances. Third chances. Fourth chances. FIFTH chances. Hundreds, okay? I wait longer than I have to to see if things will pan out or not. I get frustrated with stupid people. I acknowledge they exist, but I try and give the benefit of the doubt. Sometimes I get stressed. Sometimes I am a bitch, too. But I still have a level of respect for everyone, including Crazy, which is why I haven't punched her in the face or trashed her things. This doesn't really have to do anything with Crazy, just using her as an example. Sometimes I let myself get worked. Sometimes I stress over things that aren't my problem, and sometimes I let people treat me bad and make me feel less than I am. But you know what? No. I'm so much better than that, and maybe it took me this long to realize it, but at least I did.
"I am a strong, intelligent, confident and deserving young woman." <-- If anyone knows what that is, bless your heart. Never thought I'd repeat something from the brainwashings, but that one did come out of my head before I was partially assimilated... and it is one thing that really is legit. Last night I was with someone that made me feel %200. I need more %200 friends.

::DaRk BlU::

whoopsie

Wed, 18 Jan 2006 03:02:52 GMT

Saba cracks me up. I love her. She's just one of those genuinely cool people.

"You should always feel 200%. He never makes you feel 200%."

There was basis for this entry but it totally slipped my mind...AGAIN. Will edit when remember I suppose...

I hope Crazy isn't stealing/going through my stuff right now. And I hope my car and everything inside is okay.

i want to live...where the soul meets body

Tue, 17 Jan 2006 18:24:19 GMT

Last night my car died.
No, the battery is fine.
No, I didn't run out of gas.
No, it didn't overheat.
I think I finally just pushed my little car to the limit.
It just wouldn't go anymore. And oil was leaking out of the bottom. It was being really loud and lurching and stopping and screeching. It was like Mr. Toad's wild ride. I had to pull over in the middle of Castro Valley and Jace had to rescue me lol. I think I blew a gasket.[sp?]
Now, this car thing REALLY sucks because today is my first day of school, and I am entirely unprepared. I was planning on getting ready last night but couldn't because of my car. My mom is coming to pick me up but won't stop at the apartment, so I have to procure some supplies somehow from her house, and get ready a little bit. I don't even know where the classrooms are, so I wanted to get there early... but that's not going to happen. I'll be lucky if I make it to my first class's orientation.

Well I did... and I've been here since 11. I am almost done. In about forty minutes I have Astronomy orientation, and after that I go home. And I have to find a way home, and since my mom said, "NEVER ASK ME FOR HELP AGAIN" this morning, I don't think I'll be calling her.
I am a little nervous about my online classes, but my Abnormal Pysc teacher ROCKS and I think theater is going to be fun. It's actually kind of funny... there's a guy that does security for Rocky in my Abnormal Pysc class. He's really knowledgeable on the subject, however mildly annoying. Soc is going to be a LOT of work, and I don't know if I got my textbooks in the mail yet, even though I was supposed to get them today. Will have to call mom and check. Abnormal Pysc is going to be a lot of work, too. Theater is going to be a moderately large time committment, too. I hope Astronomy is easy because if it isn't I might be spreading myself too thin. Tonight I am going to get my stuff out of my car, hopefully, and get back to the apartment and charge my dead phone... clean and unpack EVERYTHING, even if it takes all night, and rearrange my room so I can get the cable/phone guy in to put those things in so I can hook up my computer and TV...and I still have to get my door fixed, too. I am going to see if I can't get all of that done by tomorrow night. I also have to manage how to get to and from work, get AAA, and get my car fixed. All in one day. That would be nice. I already have homework due on Friday, so I need regular computer access. In fact, I think I'll do some Soc right now. Maybe I can knock it out before Astronomy. Liane... the girl with the plan. ::Points to head::

::DaRk BlU::

P.S. I've been having too much fun lately and not taking care of business as I should, so forgive me if I am a hermit for awhile. LOTS of stuff to do in the next four days. If you don't hear from me, it does NOT mean I don't love you!